Agnes of Dunbar
Suggested Listening: gfy [E] - blackbear, Machine Gun Kelly
Agnes Randolph was born in Scotland in the year 1312. She was the daughter of Thomas Randolph, who was the nephew and companion-in-arms of Robert the Bruce, King of the Scots, and Baddest of Asses. He killed people so hard he broke axes on their heads, so it’s best to avoid messing with that whole family altogether.
In 1324, Agnes was married to Patrick, the 9th Earl of Dunbar, who was in possession of Dunbar Castle, a Scottish fortress on the water. One of the strongest fortresses in all of Scotland, in fact. Dunbar Castle was in a really good position strategically on the water and, as you will soon learn, quite impenetrable. Duty called some years later, when Patrick handed the keys to the castle to Agnes and left to fight the English. By this time Agnes was 26 years old, and she had already been his wife for 14 years (that’s some gross math), so Patrick knew she could take care of herself.
January 13, 1338
While Patrick was off fighting with the boys and Agnes was in charge, the English thought this was a great opportunity to take the castle, seeing as there was only this one, weak woman and a handful of servants and soldiers inside. So, they sent William Montagu 1st Earl of Salisbury to take Dunbar on behalf of the English.
Salisbury approached the castle and demanded that Agnes surrender it to him. Agnes scoffed and said something like “Um…pray tell, good sir, why would I do such a thing? This is my castle.” Salisbury very clearly had her surrounded with soldiers and she was now under siege, so he demanded again. She sang him a little screw you song:
“Of Scotland's King I hold my house,
I pay him meat and fee,
And I will keep my good old house,
while my house will keep me”
Which was a pretty sick rhyme on the fly. She wasn’t coming out.
Salisbury brought out what he thought would end the whole thing then and there - the trebuchet! Tre-bu-CHET! Tre-bu-CHET! Arguably the most exciting of siege weapons, it’s the one that flings things at other things, and it has a counterweight, so it gives it an extra fling on top of the fling.
He started hurling large rocks over the castle walls, but they failed to knock down the ramparts as he had hoped. Agnes was not as impressed as I am, and she sent some of her ladies out at the end of the day to dust off the walls with their handkerchiefs and give Salisbury a hard time.
The trebuchet, albeit super awesome, was not super effective. Now it was time to bring out the battering ram and come at this problem straight on. This century’s model was called a sow and it had a roof overhead to protect the soldiers from flaming arrows, falling debris, and the like. Agnes told Salisbury to take care with his sow, for she would “soon cast her piglets”. Alright lady, whatever you say.
Salisbury’s men approached with the battering ram and Agnes decided this would be an excellent time to return Salisbury’s rocks: right down on top of the men attempting to force entry. Never attempt to force entry, gentlemen. The boulders sent the men scattering wee, wee, wee back to camp and the sow was shattered into useless splinters.
Brute force wasn’t getting him inside the castle, so William had to turn to bribery. He paid a considerable amount of money to the Scottish guard at the main gate, who was more than happy to take his money and agree to his plan. Sure Dude, I’ll leave the front door unlocked. However, the guard was also a loyal Scotsman, and he went straight to Agnes telling her exactly what was going to happen, where, and when.
Agnes was waiting when the ambush group approached in the night. The plan was to drop the portcullis (giant lattice door) down behind Salisbury, who was to be leading his men. One man named Copeland got a little too excited and ran ahead, and when the portcullis dropped, he became the one trapped inside with Agnes. She laughed at her own defeat, shouting, “Farewell, Montagu, I intended that you should have supped with us and assist us in defending the castle against the English!”. There is nothing in the historical record on whether or not William pissed himself, or what happened to poor, eager Copeland.
Agnes’s brother, John Randolph, the Earl of Moray happened to have been sitting in an English jail for 3 years at the time. He had it rough. They finally brought him up to the castle walls with a rope around his neck and said if she didn’t give in, they would hang him.
She was like, “Even if you go kill him, I’m his heir and I get all his stuff, so don’t threaten me with a good time”.
Salisbury decided to spare John Randolph anyway, and it’s a good thing he did too. Just a few years later, Salisbury would be captured by the French and King Philip VI would be ready to just cut his head right off. But then someone reminded him that an Earl could be traded for an Earl, and didn’t they still have Johnny R? Salisbury’s life was spared for John Randolph’s in a twist of fate that most likely made a true believer out of Earl William Salisbury.
Back at Dunbar Castle, Agnes was known as a huge shit talker. She was up on that wall every single day, saying things that were known to be “more funny than decent”. Even with all her bravado, facts were still facts. The English had cut off her resupply by sea and her supplies were really starting to dwindle as the weeks turned to months. Salisbury knew it, and Agnes knew that he knew it. They would starve soon.
Here enters a Scottish knight named Alexander Ramsay of Dalhousie who was living in a cave nearby. Think of a heroic, Robin Hood type guy, who goes around fighting any English he can find in Scotland. He heard what was going on with Agnes and it didn’t sit well with him. So, he gathered up around 40 men, and he slipped in through the back gate of Dunbar Castle with food, supplies, and dozens of fresh soldiers.
You know that Agnes, she was still so generous even after everything she had been through. She immediately sent some bread and wine out to Salisbury.
That was it. England had spent £6,000 (over £7,000,000/$8,750,000 in 2023 currency) trying to get Agnes out of that castle and she wasn’t budging. On June 10, 1338, William of Salisbury took his men and left, and told her to keep her damn castle.
She won.
William of Salisbury died about 5 years later in 1344 when he got hurt while playing games at a tournament. He left his wife Catherine with 6 tween/teenagers to take care of. Will’s buddy the King of England owed him £11,000+ when he died, but he got out of paying his family most of that after the funeral (he’s the king, c’mon…). His 16-year-old son, also William Montagu, became the 2nd Earl of Salisbury. And so it goes.
Agnes lived until she was 57 and although she and Patrick didn’t have any of their own children, they passed their estate to their three nephews; George, John, and Patrick. Agnes had a niece and ward, also named Agnes, who became the paramour and obsession of King David II. She too was formidable.
Dunbar Castle stood into the 16th century when it was last confirmed to be seen. In 1844, back when people were eating mummies and didn’t care about historical value of anything, someone pulled down most of the castle ruins to build a harbor. Then in 1993 some of the ruins fell into the ocean and now they don’t let you go look around in them anymore.
People in Scotland still remember Agnes. She has her own drinking song:
She makes a stir in tower and trench,
That brawling boisterous Scottish wench,
I came early, I came late,
I found Agnes at the gate.
References
Agnes (Randolph) Randolph Countess of Dunbar and March. WikiTree. (2023, January 18). https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/Randolph-348
Britain Express. (n.d.). Dunbar Castle: History & visiting information. https://www.britainexpress.com/scotland/Lothian/castles/dunbar-castle.htm
Brown, L. (2019, December 31). Agnes, Countess of Dunbar. Medium. https://lmbrownwrites.medium.com/agnes-countess-of-dunbar-299d3bbf1b6a
info@undiscoveredscotland.co.uk, U. S. (n.d.). Undiscovered Scotland. Agnes Randolph of Dunbar: Biography on Undiscovered Scotland. https://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/usbiography/r/agnesrandolphdunbar.html
Johncock, G. (2022, February 27). The defence of Dunbar Castle. Hidden Scotland. https://hiddenscotland.co/the-defence-of-dunbar-castle/
Lawson, John Parker. Historical Tales of the Wars of Scotland,: And of the Border Raids, Forays, and Conflicts ... (Classic Reprint). FORGOTTEN BOOKS, 2022. Pp 88-91.
Moorhouse, D. (2021, November 21). “black agnes” Randolph - The Hundred Years War. The Hundred Years War - 1337-1453. https://thehundredyearswar.co.uk/black-agnes-randolph/
Scott, N. (2021, March 25). 10 things you (probably) didn’t know about Robert the bruce. Historic Environment Scotland Blog. https://blog.historicenvironment.scot/2018/11/10-things-probably-didnt-know-robert-bruce/
Watson, D. C. (2023, June 16). #OTD in 1338, the five-month siege of Dunbar Castle came to an end. the successful defence of the castle had been led by “black” Agnes Randolph, Countess of Dunbar, as this old blog post examines:https://t.co/rso4ngcmub pic.twitter.com/gvArFGuIHV. Twitter. https://twitter.com/vivstan211240/status/1669626300263268352
Wikimedia Foundation. (2023a, May 30). Dunbar Castle. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar_Castle#Mary,_Queen_of_Scots
Wikimedia Foundation. (2023, August 8). William Montagu, 1st Earl of Salisbury. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Montagu,_1st_Earl_of_Salisbury#Final_years
How a trebuchet works. It’s so cool!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_6LeWzNx_c